Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
