There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm like, not good at living.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
