Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
