Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
