btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
