i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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