I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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