I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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