Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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