STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
