Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
