You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
