I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tell your sister to shave her snatch
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
