"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
