Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
