Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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