oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
