Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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