My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
