Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
