I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How does one acquire holy water?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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