she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
