Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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