Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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