Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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