Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
