Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
