I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will be naked everywhere
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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