I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
