He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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