pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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