You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
