you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
