Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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