Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
