okay pat passed out under dana's car
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
