my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
