So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
