omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
