I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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