my phone needs a breathalizer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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