the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
