just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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