I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
