I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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