I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
