Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
