you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
