every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
