If i come over, it means nothing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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