I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
