My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
