There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
