My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
